I feel your pain. You walk into a room full of people and don’t know what to do with yourself. Everyone is paired up (at least; more often, everyone’s in groups of four or more) and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You become aware of all of your limbs, you’re convinced that your clothes are bunched and gapped funny, that your hair is sticking out in weird directions, and that everyone is looking at you … or that no one is. You look around frantically for an area where drinks or food are being served so that you can busy yourself with one or the other or both because everyone’s too busy to talk to you, and you haven’t the nerve to barge into anyone’s conversation.

This is the first in a series of posts to help dig you out of that rut. Over the course of my dating life, I’ve learned how to deal with this wrenching dilemma (and I’ve watched fascinating people who don’t suffer from it at all), and I’m going to share with you what I’ve learned. I’ll start off with one of my favorites:

Magic tricks will draw people like magnets.

You’ve seen this yourself: someone with a coin, or some cards, who’s doing fascinating things, and first one person starts watching, and then another, who pulls in another, and then the next thing you know, this person becomes the center of attention, getting free drinks, camaraderie, and “Do it again for my friend here!” You can do it, too: just stake yourself out a spot at the bar, or at a table, and whip out an object or two, as if you’re merely trying to kill time amusing yourself, or perhaps you’re waiting for someone, and before you know it, you’ll have drawn people to you, too. Don’t know any tricks? Ha! Piece of cake! Just look at this treasure trove (you can find anything on the net):

• Card Tricks

Various Cool Tricks, like:

• Make a Cigarette Disappear
• Make a Coin Vanish and Reappear
• Open a Beer Bottle with a Dollar Bill

Many more tricks at eHow

Practice, practice, practice, so you’ll look good doing them. If you get really good at doing them and feel confident, approach a potential target and ask, “May I try out my new magic trick on you?” When you’ve mastered them, you can make some bar bets. Don’t make the stakes money, but rather flirty things (“If I win this bet, you give me your email address/a kiss on the cheek/you buy me a drink”).

These tricks work like magic!