I get a lot of messages from people who’ve seen my profile at MySpace, Meetup, Friendster, and other social networking sites, and the majority of them are along these lines:

ur hott! i want to f— u.

(The F word is spelled out, or even misspelled out.) Wow; charming. They make me hott! (I kid!) Needless to say, I don’t even bother to click over to the profile of the troglodytes who send these messages; I merely click the “Delete” button and feel sad for the future of the human race.

Social networking sites can be a terrific place to find local people with interests similar to yours, but if you’re really hoping for a response, you need to use some charm and finesse. Contrast the stupidity above with this message:

I read your profile because your photo was beautiful, and I see that we have a lot in common. I also work in the tech industry and enjoy the music of Leonard Cohen. He will be in your city in two weeks, as will I. Since you enjoy sushi, perhaps you would like to get some with me and then go see him perform? I hope you will grant me the pleasure of your company.

Guess which of those messages I responded to?

There are no tricks involved, but rather some simple guidelines to follow if you’ve found a profile and would like to make contact with someone you find intriguing and available:

• Read the profile. Make note of what you have in common, or what interests you.
• Make it clear why you’re writing. (You admire the photo of his dog/you’d like to take her for coffee/you’d like to shag her silly)
• Spell out what’s in it for the recipient (Nothing but pride/coffee/a nice warm glow)
• Thank the recipient for having read your message
• Check your message for proper spelling and grammar. Don’t be an ass! You’re not a graduate of the School of AOL. Don’t type things like “CUL8R.” You’re not making license plates in prison (unless, of course, you are making license plates in prison, in which case forget about coffee and shagging and stick to admiring photos of dogs).
• Sign your message with your first name (at minimum). Don’t sign it “bIgBrOwNPOOP.” That’s presumably your profile name anyway. The recipient wants to meet “Shawn” or “Lisa” for coffee or shagging.

Now that’s not so hard, is it? Prove that you have more than two brain cells to rub together, that you know what to do with them (you can read! You can write! You’ve taken an interest, used some thought, paid attention), and more importantly, you’re different from all the other clowns composing the garbage filling the recipient’s inbox. Stand out from the crowd, and at minimum, you’ll make someone’s day. Do a really good job, and you’ll get some coffee or a shagging out of the deal!